being a bigger bridesmaid.

March 10, 2010 at 9:16 pm | Posted in being fat | 4 Comments
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“Will you be my bridesmaid?”

A simple enough question.  One meant to show love and affection and sometimes even slavery (why, yes I would love to hold up your dress as take a sh!t during your reception).  As a much thinner woman, I never batted an eye.  As a self-proclaimed fat girl, this question creates the same sweaty palms and light-headedness that dances in middle school once did.  Would you like to take a guess as to why?

Did you guess the dress?!  Ding ding ding.  You win!  With articles out there like this and this, being a fat bridesmaid is not something to be taken lightly.  To make matters worse, the bully in your own head start their routine…

“well the only reason she asked you is because the others are super attractive and she wants to make sure she looks better than at least one person”

(Shut up!  We’ve been friends for years.  She loves me!)

“should you order your size as it is today or a size too big in case you gain even more weight or maybe a size too small so that you can be sure that you lose weight before the wedding…no no…don’t be silly…what happens if that becomes another one of your failed diet attempts and you end up with NO dress a week before the wedding”

(Shut up!  I am a normal eater and a healthy individual.  I should at least be able to maintain this weight and I can always have the dress taken in.)

“good thing you have a boyfriend.  there’s no way you’d be able to take home any groomsmen when those hamhocks of arms are exposed.”

(No no no!  Shut up, fat police!)

Being a bridesmaid itself is actually pretty fun and I have enjoyed myself thus far, save for a few minor dress related moments.  It was hard trying on dresses today and having an “attendant” making comments about what’s “flattering”.  The fear itself of today actually caused me to put the experience off as long as possible.

Logically I know that the brides are too focused on maintaining their weights and the stress of their planning to even worry much about my fat ass.  If they were really that concerned, they wouldn’t have asked me to be in their wedding.  But these thoughts didn’t make me feel much better emotionally.  Neither did the fact that this particular dress shop flat REFUSED to remove my size from the bride’s event form that listed my dress (I’m talking to you, David’s Bridal).

At least I now have more motivation to keep me moving through this summer.



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  1. Wow. I can totally relate. I have been an MOH 3x and Bridesmaid once. The dress part makes me SO stressed out. In one of the weddings I had to tell the bride flat out I thought only dresses at DB would fit. Which really limited the selection. Ugh. I didnt realize til later that even if the boutiques don’t have sample sizes in plus sizes, that most dresses can be ordered in larger sizes (for a FEE of course). Seriously, this was the hardest part of being a bridesmaid. Ironically, most of those days are behind me now that I’m nearing the end of my weight loss journey!

  2. I think its because she cares about you is why she asked you to be her bridesmaid – although, that being said, I did have a friend (who I thought was my best friend!) ask me to be a bridesmaid – I was at my almost all time highest weight of 205 pounds! She was skinny, thin waist, big boobs, and I couldn’t help but think as we were walking down the aisle if she didn’t intentionally pick me because it made her feel better about herself?

    Fast forward, in 1999 I lost 70 pounds, met my now husband and we went out to dinner with this friend and her husband. We were having a great time, I excused myself from the table to go to the bathroom, and when I came back I could tell something had happened – the vibe was all different.

    When we got in the car I asked my husband what had happened, and he said “she’s not your friend.” He didn’t tell me until years later that she said words to the effect that “I was friends with Biz even though she was fat.”

    I think you’ll look beautiful no matter what!

  3. oh man, in 2008, i was in THREE weddings and it was not fun – one of the dresses i had to wear was strapless and it…wasn’t pretty. the other two i luckily got to pick my own dress. i feel your pain. it’s such an honor, and you’re right, mostly an all-around good time but…the dress….erg.

  4. They have to put your size on the bridal event form that seems so wrong. (Since my weight gain.. I cut the sizes out of all my clothes.. sad I know) Well I’m sure by the time the wedding rolls around you will have to get the dress taken in! I wouldn’t worry about your friends intentions. Just walk down that aisle with confidence! I like your blog…

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