im moving!

March 21, 2010 at 10:23 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

please visit me at my new domain:


i’m going!

March 18, 2010 at 10:54 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Super excited and so thankful for Roni, who is the brains in the whole operation.  Can’t wait to meet you there!

so, um, about those girl scout cookies…

March 15, 2010 at 7:34 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

I lost 2.4lbs this week!!!!!  Huge WTF!  I feel like one of those kids who didn’t do their homework and got away with it.  I’m grateful for it this week, but I know I can’t hope for it two weeks in a row.  Happy Happy Happy Monday!  Only 1.8 lbs away from my first 5% (10lbs).

a few words about gum disease.

March 15, 2010 at 12:00 pm | Posted in being fat | Leave a comment

In addition to struggling with my weight, I also struggle with gum disease.  It’s not horrible where I’m losing teeth (yet) or anything but I do have to go to the dentist more frequently for cleanings and have to be pretty diligent about flossing.  (I had to have root scaling and planing a year or so ago [at 23!!] and it was painful enough that I vowed to floss every day for the rest of my life.  Haha.)

It never ever occurred to me that the gum disease and weight problems could be connected.  I know I know, another thing that obesity increases your risk of having but this one can cause some pretty serious stuff! Continue Reading a few words about gum disease….

i ate girl scout cookies for dinner tonight.

March 14, 2010 at 11:04 pm | Posted in struggling | 2 Comments
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Thin Mints. 1 point per cookie. Tagalongs.  4 points per 2 cookies. Lemon Chalet Cremes.  2 points per cookie.

(points courtesy of

Other things I’ve eaten this week?  Chipotle Salad, On the Border Beef Enchiladas, Panera Pick Two, Red Robin Turkey Burger, and a mild binge Friday night of low point items and a Tysons breaded chicken patty.

Needless to say, this week isn’t perfect. Continue Reading i ate girl scout cookies for dinner tonight….

being a bigger bridesmaid.

March 10, 2010 at 9:16 pm | Posted in being fat | 4 Comments
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“Will you be my bridesmaid?”

A simple enough question.  One meant to show love and affection and sometimes even slavery (why, yes I would love to hold up your dress as take a sh!t during your reception).  As a much thinner woman, I never batted an eye.  As a self-proclaimed fat girl, this question creates the same sweaty palms and light-headedness that dances in middle school once did.  Would you like to take a guess as to why? Continue Reading being a bigger bridesmaid….

saying adios to february!

March 8, 2010 at 12:59 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment
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February was a hard month.  No.  February was an impossible month.  Between the blizzard in the DC Metro area, work trips, illness, dental work, and on and on and on.  February was rough for me.  But you know what?  I lost 3.6lbs!!!  I could have used all those things as excuses.  I could have ended February heavier than when I started (which has been the trend as of late), but I didn’t!  More importantly, I learned that I can lose weight.  I learned that my body does work and I learned to trust it to do it’s thing when I am fueling it adequately.  So what contributed to my success?   Continue Reading saying adios to february!…

food poisoning and other reasons why i haven’t been around

February 22, 2010 at 12:56 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments

I hate when my favorite bloggers disappear and, in the weight loss blogging world, usually it means that they’re “off the wagon.”  It’s been over a week since I last posted and that’s been due to being horribly sick with food poisoning and traveling for my job.  Don’t worry though, I’m back! Continue Reading food poisoning and other reasons why i haven’t been around…

games fat girls play.

February 10, 2010 at 2:16 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment
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When I played sports in high school, coaches frequently spit clichés at us in response to our constant whining and complaining.  (Looking back if I was coaching a bunch of 16 year old girls more interested in tanning and prom than in passing the ball, I think I’d start spitting clichés if for no other reason that it would stop the expletives from falling out).  One of the clichés heard most was that “sports are 10 percent physical and 90 percent mental.”  The same can be said of weight loss and when I think back over all my failed weight loss attempts, it was never my body that physically failed.  My body has always responded to my behavior, which is controlled by my mind.  This made me start to re-examine all the mind games I’ve played with myself and that I know from lurking the internet that others have played as well. Continue Reading games fat girls play….

my first blog entry.

February 9, 2010 at 8:19 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment
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Here's lookin' at you, Fatty!

This is my first blog entry (and there was much rejoicing).

What brings me to this area of the internet?  Now that I’ve graduated from college, I have a daily routine of “internet errands” .  Dropping by the news neighborhoods for a quick hello.  Checking the mail.  Picking up a few things here and there.  Stopping to ask for directions.  I’ve tried writing blogs before but they’ve always felt like internet graffiti, not contributing much more than noise.  But, like graffiti, there are many purposes to the art.  Sometimes it serves as a memorial.  In this blog, the memorial is of my journey to lose and maintain my weight, while trying to figure out myself.

A lot of people with such a long and arduous journey (over 60lbs!)  move through a series of attitudes:

1.  The quick and easy solution. Surely there’s a pill or a program or even a shoe that will allow me to lose weight and keep up this gluttony!  Alli, p90x, Sketch-up’s anyone?

2.  Blaming. It was my job, my parents, school, health, etc that made me gain weight.

3.  Depression. It’s hopeless.  I won’t ever reach my goals.  I might as well eat what I want now before I am forced to change my eating habits due to something like diabetes.

4.  Denial. I haven’t gained any more weight.  My clothes shrank in the dryer.  This scale is clearly wrong.

5.  Determination.  I am sick and tired of myself.  Something has to change.

Sometimes you can even move through these stages in the same day.  Where does that leave me?  Somewhere between depression and determination.  Today I wore the biggest pair of pants I own and the zipper wouldn’t stay up because I really should be a size higher.  My boots today felt tight and all of my muscles are sore.   I haven’t been on a scale in over a week because I am scared of how much damage I did with the blizzard binge this weekend.  I plowed through a very high fat and caloric dinner because I restricted my diet too much during the day and became ravenous after work.  I’m feeling guilty.  I’m feeling depressed.  I’m feeling physically ill.  So what now?

Now I make a decision.  That decision is not to continue the binging.  That decision is to start by making a serious of small decisions every day.  That decision is to start to love myself more.  I wouldn’t let my boyfriend or my best friend starve themselves to the point of agitation.  I wouldn’t let them shove their faces with food they hate so that they feel like they’re punishing themselves.  This blog is going to be a memorial to these decisions so that one day when it’s all second nature I’ll remember how hard each decision was.

My first decision?  Not to binge tonight.  Not to eat the ice cream calling my name in the freezer.

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